literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
