how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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