I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
