The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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