I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Randomize
