I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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