did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A+ Viking dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
