I wannas sexs uuuuu
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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