I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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