it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
