need another drink. this is the easiest way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
