It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
