Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
