don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
