Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
