Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
