OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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