trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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