i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
