Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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