I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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