Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
