We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
