I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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