Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is Oprah even human
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
