did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
