I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
