We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
