I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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