If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
