shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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