I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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