dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
