Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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