I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
