Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
