a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
