nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
