JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
