Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
