Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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