I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My life is pants optional.
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