I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
