Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your cock deserves a montage
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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