i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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