i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
