I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
