I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
