I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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