I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
